


I held you in my hands

by liionne



Category: The Host - Stephenie Meyer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-23
Updated: 2013-04-23
Packaged: 2017-12-09 08:06:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/771952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/liionne/pseuds/liionne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The time it took for Wanda to return was a long one, and Ian had to learn to cope alone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I held you in my hands

The time between Wanda's insertion into a new body was a tense and somewhat lonely time for Ian. Whilst Jared had got his Mel back, Ian had had his Wanda taken from him, and soeone he didn't know at all was walking around in her body. He could rather understand how Jared felt now.

He hadn't been able to talk to Melanie at first - his attatchment to that body that had once housed the girl he loved was still quite strong, and he not only found himself going red when he looked at her but found himself getting angry, too, that the body was allowed to continue when Wanda wasn't. But then he would see the look on Jared's face that he had never knew him to have, but that Jamie told him was pure, unadulterated happiness, and he would be humbled.

Doc said that the cryotank was not allowed to leave the hospital or "so help me God I will make sure you're not there when she wakes up". So, when he had eaten, or carried out his chores for the day, or had finished whatever menial task Jeb had tried to give him in a desperate and somewhat vain attempt to keep him out of the hospital cots and in his room, he would return to whisper sweet nothings to Wanda, despite the fact that she could not here nor reply. He would fill her in on what was going on the cave system, of the raids that had been happening while she was away, of the new people, human and soul alike, that they had welcomed into their family.

"There was a woman, called Jessica, she's human and she used to be a psychologist. We need a psychologist. I think I'll be sending Kyle to see her a lot, God knows he needs a shrink." He said, after a day when they had welcomed two new people into their community. Ian always assisted in the removal of souls now; it felt wrong for him not too. Only he and Doc were compassionate enough and careful enough to handle the Souls without damaging them. But of all the souls he had held in his palm, silvery little creatures with so many antennae that tickled the skin, Wanda had been his favourite. "There was a kid with her too. 'Bout Jamie's age. I think they'll be friends, 's hard not to be friends with Jamie. He's growing a lot, I don't think he's going to stop. One day we're gonna have to just drill a hole in the roof for him to grow through. He misses you. I miss you. I wish you could hear me."

That was how the monologue always ended, with whispered wishes and sorrowful statements, until Ian fell asleep on one of the cots that was becoming all too familiar to him, the crystank pressed against his cheek, or his chest, or tucked under one arm. He would awake in the mornign with the metal feeling slightly warmer where it came in contact with his skin, give a sigh that it was there rather than Wanda, his Wanda, and then he would leave her in the safe hands of Doc while he completed his daily tasks.

And then there was the day that Pet came.

Ian hadn't even known that Jared, Mel and Jamie were gone until they were arriving again. He was sat in the hospital on his cot, the cryotank held in his hands as he rambled unabashed at what was happening in his life and the lives of those around them. And then his monologue had been cut short as Jared had carried the small, fair girl into the room. He had set her down on the bed beside Ian's, close enough so that he culd scrutinise her bot not so close as to be able to touch her, and then took a step back. Ian had known they were looking for a body for Wanda. He hadn't known that they were so close to deciding. That they _had_ decided.

"Bit young." He murmured, analysing the girl. She was unconscious, but she looked peaceful in her sleep. She looked like Wanda, Ian decided.

Jamie shrugged. "She's just right."

Ian gave one nod, and then looked down at the cryotank. "When?" He asked, looking to Doc, who had exited his small little office that he had constructed some short weeks ago out of disused bed sheets.

"Now. If you feel up to it." Doc said. Ian looked down at the cryotank in his hands again, running his right thumb over the smooth metal of Wanda's resting place. He was loathe to disturb her, when she was probably so peaceful in there, but he wanted his Wanda back. His selfishness won out, as well as concern for the girl who lay beside him. She was tiny compared to him, no more than a pink prick, with fair golden hair and a spray of freckles across her face. She looked so young, too; Ian felt wrong just looking at her. He pressed his lips into a thin line, and then nodded.

"Now." He affirmed, keeping a tight hold of the cryotank as he stepped down from the bed.

Holding Wanda, just Wanda, not her host, for the last time made Ian felt a pang of sadness. He liked seeing her as she was, as she should be. She couldn't talk to him, nor could she hear him, perhaps, but the beauty she radiated as he held her in his palm, tickling his skin and causing a shadow of a smile to light up his face was something he would miss. But, again, his selfishness overtook him, consumed him, and he guided the little silver being into the gap just waiting for her to take over. And then it was done.

And once again, Ian's waiting began.

He stayed by her side for as long as he could. Jeb excused him from his chores, as long as he promised to make it up later, to which Ian swore. He held her tiny hand in his own, calling her name every so often, continuuing to talk to her about anything he could, because who knew, maybe his voice would bring her round? It took one day, 7 hours, 36 minutes and 15 seconds before her new eyes fluttered open, before Ian breathed for the first time since she had been gone. A million things to say rushed forward at once, trying to take prominence in his mind, trying to be spoken. _"How are you?" "I love you" "I missed you" "I never left you" "kiss me"_ and a thousand other thoughts rushed to his tongue to be spoken,but in the end, all he could say was, "I held you in my hands, Wanderer, and you were so beautiful."


End file.
